A graduation ceremony is supposed to be for the benefit of the seniors. Do HS kids think that wearing those funny hats and gowns, and spending a fine summer day cooped up inside listening to some old people give them advice is really a benefit? It is tradition, and a passage that can be fun for some graduates. I leave it for them to give the final word on the ceremony.

Parents of seniors have some right to give judgment also. We know that there is not a lot of expectation for creativity or excellence in the event. But this year the proceedings had some strange choices. It deserves to be blogged.

Slow and slimy

The main speaker for graduation was “Daddy Wags”, a radio talker with 30 years experience at a local station. He had the vocal presence that someone with his experience can be expected to project, and his Santa length beard gave him a distinguished demeanor. His choice of speaking material was - odd.

There are certain standard topics that a graduation speech can fall back on, this parody hits some of them. Here are a few of Mr. Wags' clichéd talking points.

Joking about how the speech you are giving should have been read once before the event, rather than scanned on the way into the building, check.

Giving some statistics that show the sad state of public engagement of the parents, and exhort the kids to do better. Unfortunately the low rate of voting Wags used to check off this item was not at all applicable to Grandview, where voting normally is 50% even on ballots that have no local issues, and passes 80% in some elections.

The parable of the hare and the tortoise is a standard graduation speech cliché, and the radio jock seemed to know this because he didn't fall back on it. Unfortunately, he just changed the animal used for the story to a snail. Slow and steady sometimes wins the race, and if a turtle has been over used, why not talk about an even slower beast?

Wags gave an example of how gardeners fear the snail as it slowly chomps through the vegetables. OK. The moral to be learned is that if you want to be really destructive, you should be like the lowly snail? There was something in his speech about leaving slime trails and not crossing back, but by this point the metaphor had broken so completely I was having trouble paying attention.

The real question is why the guy was selected as a speaker at all. His personal story about dropping out of college to work in radio, then turning it into a successful career, is a long odds gamble in an industry that eats through and spits out talent. The more normal outcome would have been minor success while shuttling across the country, getting booted, followed by regret that a degree had not been completed as a backup career option. Did the graduates really need to be told by inference that it is OK to drop out of school if you are chasing a long-shot?

Tag team val and sal

The Valedictorian and Salutatorian gave a speech in alternation, in the tradition of a comedy duo. Cute, not cliché, I had some trouble hearing because they had to share a mic, but it was the best part of the afternoon. This was the last time a val and sal will speak at a graduation in Grandview, the new policy of selecting a student speaker based on submitted speeches instead of grade point starts next year.

Just a mom

I don't know if there is any long tradition about how the diplomas are handed out, who gives the document, who shakes hands. I think I remember in the past it was the super, the principal, and the board president. This year there was an awkward addition of the board vice-pres., Anita Keller.

She stood next to the board president and gave selective congratulations to the seniors. Some got a big hug, which nobody else on the stage gave out. Some got a handshake. Some got no handshake, no recognition at all. It was as if a mom had been placed on the stage to give her opinion of the kids she liked better than others.

And she was a mom to her child, who graduated this year. I suspect her only reason to be in that line was just to be able to hand her kid the diploma herself.

I'm not a stickler for tradition. If the kids wanted to be selective in who they gave handshakes to, it would be OK. If they had a beef with the super, it would be OK if they snubbed his handshake. But for an official of the school board to be discriminative in how she treats kids in this ceremony – it reeks of selective treatment. That is the opposite of how a board member should act, they should always be non-discriminatory in unearned rewards.

I'm sure this board member will not even perceive she was doing anything wrong. She probably doesn't have any deep thought process about how she should act as a board member. After all, her participation in the activity of the board has been limited to keeping a chair occupied for many years. She really is just a mom, who stumbled onto a position on the board.

Jeffrey Zettler knows an opportunity when it presents itself.

Back in October of 2008 Zettler followed the story of the closing of the Grandview Trustworthy Hardware store, relocated from 5^th Ave. to Goodale Blvd. In posts on this blog and the local Columbus Underground blog, the story of the business move was told , with a struggle to establish a presence at the new location, and a sudden bankruptcy that left employees stranded.

The large number of posts mourning the loss of the hardware store on the CU website, both for the convenience of the location and the skill of the employees, gave Zettler the impetus to try to keep the store open in the original location on Goodale. He contacted the owner and the store manager, and tried to find a way to bring the location back to life. Unfortunately, the size of that location was a constricting factor that made long term plans doubtful.

Rather than sort out the complexities of a business that had gone though bankruptcy, Zettler decided to start fresh with a new hardware store a few blocks East on Goodale.

Goodale Pro Hardware (intentionally using a new name rather than continuing the Zettler name of his family owned stores) will be a reboot of the hardware business. He hopes the location will recapture the loyalty of Grandview consumers. I spoke with him as he worked inside the new location last week.

“We know that we can't compete with the big box hardware stores very much on price, but service and knowledge of employees is vital to building client trust. With Dave, the manager of the old store, we will build a lineup of knowledgeable people who will make this store a better choice for consumers.”

The right location

The store is opening in the front part of the 2-J supply building, across the street from Krema Peanut Butter factory.

“2-J HVAC Products was hustled out of their location further east on Goodale (by NRI) and purchased this building without a real need for the storefront - that business is wholesale. The location was just what we needed for our new store”.

I asked Mr. Zettler if the proximity to the proposed Grandview Yard had made it a more expensive location. He said that there may be some spill over effect of values sometime in the future, but had not been a real factor now. “The rents on Goodale are still low compared to 5^th ave. and other high traffic locations. And with the economy right now any inflation of rents is just not going to happen. This was the right place for us.”

I asked him if this down economy was really the right time to start a new store. “I typically view recessions as opportunities. The greatest companies in America were mostly started during credit dislocations like we have now.”

The new store will be a full service hardware store, offering standard services such as screen & glass installation, glass cutting and key duplication. A tool rental program and website are in development.

Good luck to Jeffrey Zettler and his new store, I'll check back with updates as the store opens (possibly in June).

Twitter feed for the store, a website is supposed to be on the way.

Grandview city council is asking for a renewal levy to be passed, and although they have done a passable job with controlling costs, they made a big mistake in approving the police contract in February of this year. I can't vote on that particular issue, so I'm going to have to make my voice heard by voting no on Issue 3 on May 5^th.

I don't know what Grandview police were thinking when they demanded a 3% per year raise for the three years of the contract. Maybe they are living in some dream world where raises continue year after year, without care or notice of the bad economy. Council President Reynolds and council members Von Jasinski and Panzera were not living in this dream world when they voted no on approving the contract.

Unfortunately council members Gladman, Jagers, Koelker and Hastie think there is money to spare in the city coffers, a false opinion. They have not learned that sometimes you have to be the bad guy who says no to unreasonable demands.

It will be up to the voters of Grandview to bring some reality back to the police, and vote no on issue 3.

(after the vote) Grandview Hts. voters were happy to pass issue 3, keeping the tax at the same rate. Initial vote was 773 yes, 125 no.

The big news for voting today was the results of the South-Western school district, a no vote on the levy caused the  school to immediately cancel all extracurricular activities - all sports, band, ect. A warning for the Grandview school, expected to have a levy in the fall.

Grandview city council is debating allowing chickens to be cooped in back yards, and although the issue itself has no great importance, the way the debate will be conducted is going to expose an ugly side of Grandview.

The editors of local papers are salivating over the headlines they will be writing. So far the TVN has written the heading “Opinions fly on chickens”, but the possibilities are endless and predictable. If there are letters written opposing the birds it will be “residents call fowl”, “neighbors mad at council's chicken dance”, and if defeated, “Hen housing plans has wings clipped”, etc., ad nauseam.

Flu facts

The possibility of poultry in Grandview spreading Avian Flu is the source of worry for those who have been following pandemic warnings from Asian cases (the TWG mentioned this issue). According to the CDC, at this point there is little danger.

Influenza A (H5N1) has been transmitted to people who are in close contact with infected birds. The virus has not spread to the US. If it was loose in this country there would be massive programs to limit the spread by killing flocks. If the virus was in Columbus, the few chickens that Grandview residents owned would be eradicated quickly (possibly by worried neighbors carrying torches).

The doomsday scenarios of a high fatality pandemic depends on the H5N1 virus mutating to a form that transmits easily between humans, no birds needed. The chickens in the back yard would have nothing to do with this scenario. Maybe they would be pecking the corpses of dead Grandview owners.

Arguments from ignorance

So far I haven't seen letters in the papers from outraged Grandview residents, but it's just a matter of time. Complaints about smells, noise, and general anti-animal prejudices are expected, and all will be written from ignorance – nobody in G.H. lives anywhere near chickens.

I personally don't have a strong opinion on the issue, and this is coming from a person who grew up on a farm. Maybe it has something to do with the summer I worked on a chicken ranch with thousands of birds and had my fill of trucking tankfulls of chicken waste (a hood is required when you are pelted with manure in the process of spreading it on the fields).

The pro-chicken arguments I have read so far are focused on home raised eggs as a healthy food. A stronger case can be made for giving the children in G.H. a learning experience that teaches eggs are not produced in a Styrofoam factory.

Hee Haw

Arguments about chicken smells and noises are valid, while lacking in experience. Inevitably another argument will be brought up - that Grandview should not become more like a rural community, that we will be attracting Cletus and his kin if chickens are allowed.

It's not PC to talk about Irish and drunks, or Blacks and watermelons. But invariably when rural residents are mentioned by city folks, the prejudices will be on full display. The stereotypes of rednecked ignoramuses in rusting pickups, living in shacks with inbred families (or conducting love affairs with the livestock) are commonly used and instead of being discouraged, these opinions are met with approving laughter.

The TV show Hee Haw was the equivalent of the Minstrel show, and while you don't see people wearing blackface any more, the attitude about rural residents that show generated are still acceptable. It's perfectly fine for G.H. kids to call the students of Millersport “The children of the corn”.

There can be a debate about chickens in G.H. that focuses on the facts about the birds. I don't have much hope that will happen. Instead, it will be about how Grandview should not be like rural areas and rural people, with the implications they are intellectually and culturally inferior, not quite as human as us.

The more I follow the Grandview Yard story, the more I feel that nothing will come of the project beyond the few buildings scheduled to start construction sometime this year. When they have no retail signed and are starting construction in the “hope that it will generate more interest”, all this posturing seems like a kabuki with no payoff. But Columbus is taking the project seriously enough to finally (after more than a year from the announcement of G.Y.) put up a bargaining position on the issue of lost jobs and tax revenue.

Both the Dispatch and the Tri-Village News had articles about the new request from Columbus mayor Coleman for tax money from G.Y. Interesting to read the differing viewpoints in these two stories, the Dispatch story leads with Columbus “fighting federal aid” if they don't get some tax money from the Yard. The TVN story turns down the heat and says Columbus will not “prevent the development”, just not do anything to help with federal aid without the right deal. Who knows which story is correct? These dealings will be done far from the public, so we are never going to know whether Coleman could be passive or active in blowing the G.Y. deal. The big D story sure puts the screws down harder, to the advantage of Coleman in the negotiations.

Why has it taken so long to get to the bargaining table with Columbus? Word in Grandview is that Mayor DeGraw has been trying for months to have talks with Coleman, but Coleman has stiff-armed all advances. Given the rapid changes in the economy during the last year this is not without logic. A deal made during the optimism of December 2007 would have been based on bad assumptions.

The Dispatch story goes into a little of the intra-regional fighting for business among central Ohio cities. This game is done too often and always makes businesses the winners, to the detriment of the schools and tax bases of our cities. The regional cooperation agreements mentioned in the story need to be completed to stop this game.

The news reports don't have much on NRI's position, with a foot in both the Arena District and the G.Y. The assumption is that they will only be pulling office space business from the older parts of downtown, that few will move out of new spaces in the A.D. just to relocate a mile away. The A.D. has no retail sales to speak of, so that's not a conflict. The housing in G.Y. would be attractive to parents who want good schools, impacting a different market segment. The restaurant and entertainment business in the A.D. could be negatively effected by G.Y. , I guess NRI thinks there will be room for both (although the drop in the Brewery District fortune points to a flaw in that assumption).

Given the long history of the Arena District and the Columbus, you might also assume there are well-trod pathways between the offices of NRI and the city. Given this burst of discontent by Coleman, I think the relationship is not a happy one. Seeing the A.D. prosper while the rest of downtown rots will do that.

Taxing numbers

The Columbus city position according to the Dispatch is that they want all of the income tax from jobs that move from the city to G.Y. They estimate 1K jobs and $35 million in lost tax income over the next 30 years. Patrik Bowman, G.H.'s director of administration and development, is quoted saying "You can't expect (100 percent of income taxes)." The article points out that Coleman refused to share tax money with Gahanna after Columbus lured away 900 jobs. Coleman doesn't seem to have a good position to make this demand.

Columbus officials also want $37 million over the next 30 years, for … well, just because. I didn't read any justification for this money other than lost potential for downtown development. Grandview has offered $20 million.

Some might view all these negotiations as extortion, some as fair compensation for lost opportunity. If Coleman really has the inside track with Obama that the article hints at, you would think he could be getting more direct federal economic stimulus money for Columbus's own projects. If he only has the power to say no to Grandview's hopes, that's B.S. But it is B.S. that Grandview can't afford to ignore.